He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
