I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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