he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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