im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
