You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
