Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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