im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
