turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
