he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
