I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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