the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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