After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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