watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
