So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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