Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
