You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
