Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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