The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
