I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
