i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
