no. you can't hotbox the world.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
