I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
