Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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