I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
