Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
