hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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