I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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