So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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