all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
