if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize