I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
