i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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