remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
