im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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