I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
