I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm like, not good at living.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
