Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jerry, you need to find god
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
