I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
