I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
