so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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