Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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