Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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