I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize