So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
