hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
