wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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