During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
