I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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