It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
