i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A bitchslap is in order.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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