Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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