On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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