So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
