I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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