I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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