There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was born a porn star she said
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
