i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
