the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
