I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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