He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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