I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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