My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
