I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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