dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
