now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
