I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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