my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
