Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
