I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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