i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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