I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
