My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize