Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We smell like vodka and hangover
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