i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
