I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
