I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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