Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
