I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
