I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
