god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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