Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
