im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
