It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
