my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just tell him i said nine months
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
