I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
