theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
