i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
