Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize