I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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